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Billy writes 6/3/2004
June 3, 2004, 9:43 pm

hello friends...long time no see :) hmmm, where to start this one? how about here! there is a show going on right now at the Chicago Historical Society www.chicagohs.org about the infamous Leopold and Loeb case, and the museum was nice enough to ask me to be a part of it because of my song "Bobby Franks"...so if you get a chance, check out the show...i went to the preview and they have some incredible photos and ephemera from the case...my deal is towards the back, where you can see a performance of the song from the last concert at the Metro...things are going fantastic here in the studio, and in the most vague terms i am excited and look forward to finishing in the near future...besides all that, life is good, summer is here, and i hope everyone feels peaceful in their hearts at this chaotic time in the world...i would like to take a moment to explain a few things that have been on my mind, so here goes...i have debated about whether i should share these feelings at all, but i think it is better to share them than not...first, i would like to say thank you one more time to all the wonderful people who came to the recording sessions in april and the show at the metro...i wanted to write that immediately after those experiences, but quite frankly i couldn't, i just didn't have the strength...that is hard for me to say, because the feeling just crept up on me and has only recently left me...after that week, i felt as if my skin had been stripped off, and it was not a good feeling at all...i questioned a lot of things, whether i should have done it all, or made myself so open, or as usual, did i say too much? the answer of course is NO, because i believe in what i do and what i am doing, even if i occasionally fail...that is not to say that i think the recording sessions, the show, or the postings on ken wilber's website were failures...actually, i would rate them as great moments, and i am grateful for the opportunity to communicate and that, in my eyes, i rose to the challenge...i am proud i am living my dreams in a very real way :) that said, it took way too much out of me, and i wasn't prepared for the emotional fallout of so much output...there was no band to run to, no next show, no tour to get lost in...literally the next day i was back in here working on this album, this beautiful poem to God and life and flowers and bumblebeez...in essence, what i'm trying to say is that at this point there exists an inherent conflict between my work and my "public" life...there is no conflict between my work and my life because my work is my life, and i have no problem with that...this is not a complaint either, you know, the "oh, it's so hard being famous blah blah blah" rant...actually, i like being famous, it a'int such a bad gig...the conflict is the depth of the work and the exposure of the man...those of you that know me know that i am passionate (it's the italian and irish!)...however, the culture that we live in, i think it's safe to safe, is a bit off course..and participating in that culture in some ways is like saying i approve, which to be honest, i don't...i think it's sad how many are being hurt by being sold a story that is a lie...so, i am gonna do my best from this point out to forge my own way, a better way...i have fought like hell against "the system", the system that breaks artists backs and rapes them of their blood and chucks them out the door, all so maybe, just maybe, they get one of those vh-1 deals where everyone gets sentimental (and it was worth it-cue tears)...i believe in artists to change the world, thank you for all you have given me, thank you for the inspiration...thank you bob dylan and cheap trick and ozzy and tony and picasso and hemingway and burroughs and kerouac and the who (i love you pete) and al green and the temptations and supremes and the bee gees and richie blackmore and jimi and robin trower and on and on...thank you for your courage and sense of Self...anyway, i'm my own man, and i am much happier that way...no more selling out on any level!!!!!! i will no longer fight against anything, cause it's useless...i will now only fight FOR....so here is what i am willing to fight and die for: Love and God and me and you...they are one and the same, these things, and they are the only things that matter! amen :) and one more tangent please...a little while ago i lifted the cover off a few things, namely former bandmates, some of which are doing a good job of proving to me i am wise to stay away from them for good :) some of these comments that i have made in the recent past have confused many, and opened the door for the shadow people to come knocking...i want to say to you shadow people come into the light and be seen!...God knows your story, your falsehood, your nagging fear...love will be your death, the truth your hunter...i am not afraid to be seen...so let me say one last thing to one person in particular, mr. james iha...and i hope the whole world reads it with him:

james, i love you...you will always be my brother, and even though i have my issues with you, i love you very, very much...the depth of my hurt is only matched by the depth of my gratitude...you will always be a pumpkin, no matter whose band you play in...you did good, never forget the lives that you changed and inspired and healed...that is your legacy, may it always inspire you...love, bc

until next time, au resevoir

Source: BillyCorgan.Com